I’ve seen a lot of people posting status updates with information to AAA’s Tipsy Toe service which provides a “free” tow to anyone who is unable to drive due to over-intoxication on New Years Eve/Morning. While this seems great on the surface, I think it’s prudent to note that there are some pretty extreme limitations to the service so you may want to make alternate arrangements for your NYE transportation.
Limit 1: Tow is only free up until 7 miles, then you have to pay the normal (extremely high) mileage rate.
Who the fuck parties within 7 miles of their house? Lucky people I guess. I will be partying at least 45 minutes away from my house and I imagine I’m not in the minority. Also, finding a sober person to drive you 7 miles really isn’t that monumental of a task, and that person won’t rape your wallet if you happen to live an additional 3 miles away or so. You get the convenience of having your car near by though, so I suppose that’s something, although if you’re getting totally SMASHED on NYE chances are you’ve cleared your calendar for the next day or two so the benefit there is rather minor.
Limit 2: No passengers
If you’re driving to a party what are the chances you’re doing it alone? Slim to none. Let’s say me and my hot new girlfriend (this is my hypothetical, and she is smoking) are out getting totally smashed at a big party. Her ex is there and I can tell there’s clearly some unresolved shit between them. It’s the end of the year, emotions are running high, regrets are pumping at full force, memories are at their most powerful. Despite all this we manage to have a good time, but now it’s time to leave. We’re both hammered so I call up Tipsy Tow. So now I have to leave my incredible gorgeous brand spanking new highly intoxicated girlfriend with her old flame because this asshole tow truck driver has a no passenger rule? Cool, I guess I didn’t want to get married and live happily ever after. As we pull away I sadly paw at the window as I watch this douchebag, that I’ve no doubt heard far too much about by now, swoop in and reclaim what would have been the mother of my children….all is fair in love and tow I guess.
